People tend not to believe me when I tell them I live next door to the Devil. Yeah, that's right, the 'ol Prince of Darkness himself. He moved in last week on a Saturday night around midnight, I think.


I was up late watching taped episodes of Jerry Springer, when there was a knock at the door. I opened the door, and there he was - The Devil was on my doorstep! He explained that he had just moved in and he decided tocome for a visit.


Now I don't know why people depict him as a hideous monster with horns and cloven feet - he looks just like a normal guy, except he's kinda creepy. He's the whitest son of a bitch I ever saw, and he has dark eyes that are really intense, but at the same time, kind of empty. I had no idea who he really was at first, but I knew there was something strange about him.


I invited him in for a beer, trying to be neighborly. We had quite an interesting conversation.


"I'm Rick, nice to meet you." I said. "What's your name?"


"I have many." He replied with a grin.


"Okaaaay, but unless you want me saying 'hey you' all the time, I need

to know what to call you!" I said, exasperated.


He shrugged. "Well, most just call me Satan."





This was too much - I couldn't help but laugh. This guy had to either be a nutcase, or he was trying to be a smartass. He stared at me with those empty eyes, looking confused.


"You don't believe me?" He said.


I tried hard to hold back my laughter. "You mean you're serious?"


He looked hurt. "Why would I lie to you?"


"Well it's not everyday you meet someone who says they're the Devil!" I said as I wiped a tear from my eye and tried very hard to silence my laughter.


"Well, you've shown me your home, now maybe I can show you mine!" Said the Devil with a gleam in his eye.


"You mean the yellow house next door? I've seen it, its a nice place." I sighed.


"No, what I mean is, would you like a tour of Hell?"


"Um, I dunno buddy - it's not exactly on my top ten list of vacation spots." I replied, nervously.


He laughed a maniacal laugh. "Well you don't have a choice really...you're coming whether you like it or not!"


In a flash, we were standing at the Gates of Hell. Upon entering, I saw a huge tower with a winding staircase around the outside. This was his home. I watched as countless damned souls climbed the horrible tower, only to plunge into a lake of fire as they reached the top. This was only the beginning.


The Devil led me to another circle of hell where there was a vast ocean of mud and who knows what else. It smelled of sewage. There were many lost souls squirming and struggling through the muck, tearing each other apart, trying not to drown in their own filth.


I turned away - it was too much to bear. I pleaded with the Devil to take me back home, but instead he led me to another part of Hell. Here, there was a mass of human bodies littering the ground. Frightening figures flew overhead - some sort of creature resembling a vulture. The creatures occasionally landed to feed on the rotting flesh of the souls that never seemed to die. Then they would take flight again, circling the area, and defecating on their victims.


"Please! NO MORE!" I cried. "Please take me back!"


"Very well." Replied the Devil, calmly.


Before I could blink, I was back in my living room. The Devil sipped his beer and smirked at me.


"NOW do you believe me?" he asked.


"Please don't hurt me." I sobbed.


"Now, now Ricky - that wouldn't be very neighborly of me, would it? I'm sorry you had to see that. It's not your time...yet."


"I don't ever want to go again!" I screamed.


The Devil smiled a crooked smile. "Oh I don't blame you - why do you think I spend most of my time here on Earth?"


The Devil lit a cigarette and stood up.

"Well, I am going to get settled in my temporary home. We're going to be good friends from now on, aren't we Ricky?" He hissed.


I gulped in fear. "Uh...sure Satan."

I was afraid to tell him he was a creep and I didn't want anything to do with him. I decided the best thing to do was to just not get on his bad side anymore.


"Okay, I'll see you later then, neighbor." He smiled, enjoying my fear.




****************************************************





"And that's what happened, sir." I said to the psychiatrist.


"I see." Said the doc. "Well, we're going to have to keep you for observation for a few weeks, Rick. You are obviously experiencing delusions and hallucinations, and we are afraid you are a danger to yourself."


I was hysterical. "No, really, you gotta believe me Doc! I didn't make this up!"


"Okay, just calm down and I'll show you to your room and introduce you to your roommate." The doctor said, soothingly.


I followed the psychiatrist to a small room, with two beds, and one window with bars on it. Sitting on one of the beds was my new roommate, reading a newspaper. As he lowered the newspaper to greet me, I was filled with panic as I looked into the famillar empty black eyes of my neighbor, Satan.


"We are going to be great pals, aren't we, Ricky?"